psycho Counsin ansd the Aftermath of Love

I hear my cousin isn't doing to well.  she is the one who caused me to have a nervous breakdown so quite honestly I don’t give a shit.  I’m so bad.  I know I should feel sympathy but she is such a bitch I don't think I could ever feel sorry for her.  I feel like what goes around comes around.  She spread rumors about me that were very untrue and made me an outcast in our church.

I hear she blogs asking people to pray for her.  I told her years also when she 1st went on psych drugs that she needed counseling. She adopted two kids that have emotional problems.  How can she take good care of them when  she has emotional problems herself.  I almost hope she goes through the addiction to pain killers and the pain of being hospitalized for nerves.  I am bad but I can’t help the way I feel.  oh well lol

changing my system

The med clinic has decided to take me off of my Klonopin since I have been unable to manage it in this move to my grandmas. They also r taking me off of the gabapentin because I have been accidently overmedicated from my last hospital stay.  So things are sucking a bit.  I’m also having the hormone cries since I’m going through the change.  It fucking sucks.I don't know what I’d do without my support system.  It is going to be VERY hard. BOOYA

Manic and happy

I feel something coming on strong with me.  for a change I wrote positive poems.  I feel happy, I think I’m finally getting well due to the therapy I’m getting.  Mom also gave me a long talk when I get caught with the weed several months ago.  she used to work at the jail and did a full body pat down and found my stash in my bra.  I was glad she found it.  She told me many things and I got wisdom from her.  I feel like I am really in recovery from my illness.  I feel good.  HUZZAH!!

The Pit By Valerie G.

You’d never had caught me

As I dropped into a pit

But now I’ve crawled out
just a tiny bit

Pain an undermining

Effect of my brain

And when I come out
It's on again 

Give me a different life and give me my voice

I’m stronger than ever

And now will rejoice

Bring me my hat

And my visors too

The sun burns my eyes

And I could burn you

Leave me burdens

Leave me alone

I've no time for you

I am making my home

My Soul By Valerie G.

Having hailed you oh Lord I soar

to see things unimaginable

like never before

And the spies I get to crush with my faith

my power emits

I evaporate

From the lengths of sadness

I felt before

to the stratosphere

I see my life

and finally open that door

Thank you Father

for what you have done

and the mileage you spent

on me

on just one

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

New friends and the OCD’ing Mom

I stayed @ a new friend of mines house for the 4th of July.  It was fun.  It feels like I’ve known her forever.  Joey is still my best friend.  I have always believed you can have as many best friends as you could trust.  I still don’t know her well enough to say best friend, but Joey I know is my best friend.  So I am just sitting and smoking and bored.  I took this new friend, her name is Billie, to get her prescriptions filled, I took her to the hospital last night and they said she has bleeding ulcers.  So I drove her to get her prescriptions filled and we picked them up today. 

I’m going to hang out with her again tonight.  Mom makes me feel guilty that I am going but I have the right to go ya know…It is just I am trying to have my independence but I still don’t have my boundaries set completely. She keeps giving me chores to do and I don’t know why she is so OCD about things li9ke cleaning and shit.  oh well, going to go help her now.